[Objective] To address the issue of transient reverse power and secondary power oscillations caused by a lack of dynamic damping in traditional fixed-parameter virtual synchronous generators (VSG) during ship-to-shore power grid connection and load transfer processes, this paper proposes an active reverse power suppression strategy based on inertia and damping adaptation. [Methods] An adaptive parameter mechanism driven by transient energy variation was established. An event-triggered mechanism based on active power deviation and virtual frequency over-limit was constructed to drive the time-domain dynamic evolution of VSG virtual parameters. In the initial stage of reverse power impact, the damping was significantly increased following a cosine envelope law to strongly absorb unbalanced transient energy. During the steady-state recovery period, the moment of inertia was bidirectionally adjusted according to the disturbance polarity: it was reduced to accelerate the dynamic response during the grid-connected climbing stage, and it was increased to suppress frequency fluctuations during the sudden load rejection stage. [Results] It was demonstrated via Matlab/Simulink simulations that under strong disturbance conditions such as grid-connection and extreme load rejection, the proposed adaptive VSG control strategy strictly limited the reverse power drop depth within the safety threshold, effectively eliminated the secondary underdamped oscillation of active power, and precisely clamped the transient frequency deviation within the safe range. [Conclusion] The adaptive VSG control strategy proposed in this paper overcomes the limitations of traditional VSG, which struggle to balance impact resistance and fast recovery. It achieves safe and flexible interconnection between the shore and ship power grids from the underlying control dimension, and significantly improves the grid-connection robustness of large-capacity variable-frequency shore power systems under extreme operating conditions.